I haven’t written a blog post in years- we are now the proud (and very busy) parents of 3 kiddos, still have 2 crazy rescue dogs, and we moved out of our first home into a new “fixer upper ish” house 4 years ago. I’ve documented some (read: few, poorly) of the updates on instagram at the handle @loveandelbowgrease.

We’ve done a ton of projects in this house, including a major exterior overhaul and a large addition via dormers in what had been unfinished attic space. The baseline layout had 2 bedrooms along the back of the main floor, making access to the backyard suboptimal. A 3rd, large, bedroom was on the 2nd story. We renovated that and built an en-suite bathroom to make a primary suite. The addition allowed for all of the bedrooms upstairs, which are now functional but waiting for finishing touches (and all of the built-ins!).

We will eventually renovate the main floor to create a more open floor plan and change the function of a bunch of space. We will turn an existing 3/4 bathroom and “bedroom” that leads to the backyard /the garage into a mudroom, laundry room, and powder room. We will take what was one of the bedrooms on the main floor, that sits in the middle of the back of the house, into a family space (though I have dreamed of making it a kitchen! But I don’t think that is in the cards, ha!).

Mike hates hiring anything out but our next project(s) we will be- first, getting a paver walkway put in the front, which has been in the works since last July but was delayed because of the availability of materials (thanks, COVID and widespread supply chain issues!). We think it will be getting us to ALMOST completion on the exterior project (at least in the front). We’re hoping to plant some shrubs etc in the fall.

We were also having the back yard leveled and re-seeded by the same person who is doing the walkway. When we had drywall delivered for the upstairs, they went through a 2nd story window, and the large truck that drove into our backyard created some really problematic divots/tracks in the back. Any time kids, friends, or family have been back there I’ve been nervous someone is going to tear their ACL. Really as an off-shoot of that, we decided recently to get a patio put in the back when we get the walkway also. The backyard is going to be a gradual transformation, but it will be nice for it to be way more useable this summer. I’m hoping to put together more plans for the end state over the coming weeks. Admittedly a little bit nervous investing in this patio without a complete vision in our mind (but we’re getting close).

Hoping to do better about documenting what we’ve got going on here, because it helps me gather my thoughts a bit. On the inside of the house, we’ll be working on the built-ins to finish out the kids’ rooms. We also started a living room refresh that we need to finish (will hopefully post about that soon!). As always, busy busy busy and crazy crazy crazy. I’ve heard the saying that people overestimate what they can accomplish in a day, and underestimate what they can accomplish in a year. I think I severely underestimate both!!! It’s always exciting to watch large and QUICK transformations on instagram, but that’s just not realistic for us with 2 full time jobs and 3 kids. Sometimes it feels like a drag being stuck seemingly endlessly in “renovation mode”. I’m hoping this helps us take note of the progress we are making, and maybe helps others feeling similarly (like their house will never be “finished”, like they haven’t made their house “theirs” yet, like they don’t have enough money to do what they want to quickly enough, that they don’t have enough time, etc…) know that they’re not alone. Progress- not perfection. Making it my mantra for 2022! Do you have any on-going projects? How do you prioritize projects in your home? Thinking of rambling about that soon. Happy Sunday!!

As a working mother to a busy and demanding 7 month old, it’s often a toss up whether weekends become a much needed break from the hustle and bustle of the work week, or a stressful scramble to get an endless list of things done around the house, oftentimes while keeping up with social engagements.  Despite the fact that we had no plans, this weekend had turned into the latter.  Yesterday was a whirlwind of cranky baby, food prep and projects around the house.  I went to bed tired and expecting to continue the string of hellish nights we’ve been having due to teething- the screaming fest that had gone down at 8:30 pm made it seem all that much more likely.  But, to my surprise, he only woke up once to nurse and went right back down until 6:20 (in our house, that’s a good night).  All in all, Sunday was looking up.

A nice breeze complemented the break in humidity and lower temperatures that we desperately needed after a sweltering and miserable early September.  Today, for all intents and purposes, was an absolutely perfect and ordinary Sunday.  We took the baby to his first swimming class.  Mike mowed the lawn. I made a chicken in the crock pot, homemade broth for soups and baby food, and a few purees for the baby.  I folded laundry.  I went for a run- much needed, considering I am signed up for a half marathon in just over a month and I haven’t ran since Monday.  Mike rigged up a TV on the back porch and we enjoyed the first Giants game of the season as well as the beautiful weather.  Lovely. Uneventful. Typical.

But this date.  This date makes it so this typical, beautiful September Sunday is anything but.  September 11, 2016… 15 years since the terror attack that changed everything.  I was a freshman in high school when it happened and my emotional relationship with 9/11 continues to evolve today.  Maybe it was the fact that I was essentially still a child and didn’t have the mental bandwidth to fully process the gravity and horror of what happened- and, that’s probably for the best.  It wasn’t until 9/11/06, as I was watching the memorial program on TV, and I saw the name of a friend’s father come across the screen as it was read aloud by the presenter.  I had met this person in college and there were context clues that made me realize that the name on the screen belonged to her father- previously, I had had no idea that her father had been one of the many innocents who lost their lives on that horrible, fateful day.  I’m not sure why exactly this particular fact finally made things click, but I’m pretty sure I cried harder that day, for hours, than I ever had before.   It took 5 years and this hard, home-hitting truth and it seemed I finally was able to feel and process and acknowledge everything that I had previously been unable to.

Several years after that, I think it was in the spring of 2012, I had the privilege of visiting the in-progress memorial with family.  We toured the grounds and it was overwhelming to say the least.  As we paid our respects at the memorial, I poured over all of the names listed.  All of these people went to work that day without any clue that they were never returning home to their families.  There were two people who stuck out to me- two women whose names had “and her unborn child” added to them.  These women were at a time in their lives that was supposed to be filled with hopes, and dreams, and possibilities.  A time that my sister was in the midst of, as she had welcomed her first child that fall.  A time that I hoped was on the horizon for me.  At least two pregnant women left in the morning that day and never returned to their husbands, left to grieve their wives and the children they would never get to meet.  I wondered how many children were left without mothers or fathers…  how many spouses were waiting, or parents, or even friends.  These were all things that I had obviously thought about on some level before, but to see those words inscribed- “and her unborn child”- truly moved me.

It’s now been 15 full years since those horrible, Godless terrorists attacked us.  I was a child, now I’m a wife and a mother.  I go to work every day to support those who protect us from those who seek to threaten our way of life.  I hope and pray for a lifetime free of tragedy for my son, but I would be naive to think it’s even a remote possibility.  We have been at war for just over half of my life.  We have unrest within our own nation beyond anything I’ve seen before in my lifetime.  It’s hard to feel hopeful sometimes (let’s not get started on this upcoming election).  All of this, juxtaposed to the fact that life has gone on. I find it difficult to process. My sister is due any day now with her third child, and she had mentioned at one point that she hoped he wouldn’t be born on 9/11, but then pointed out that “9/11 is basically going to be just another day for our kids,” and she is right.  I’m not sure how to feel about that.   A part of me feels like it means that evil did not win.  I hope that’s all it means.

As the anniversary approached, I wasn’t sure how to acknowledge it.  Typically I watch the memorials and say some prayers and make a promise to myself to not forget.  I also often post a quote- “Now, we have inscribed a new memory alongside those others. It’s a memory of tragedy and shock, of loss and mourning. But not only of loss and mourning. It’s also a memory of bravery and self-sacrifice, and the love that lays down its life for a friend–even a friend whose name it never knew,” spoken by President George W. Bush on 12/11/01.  Still love these words- specifically, the parts about the self-sacrifice and the love that was so abundant in the US post the attack.  If only there were a way to inspire that sort of unity, selflessness and service in the absence of absolute catastrophe. Perhaps, we need to start with ourselves.  Filling our own lives with presence and unconditional love and living in the moment and doing for others.

So today, on this typical, uneventful Sunday, I commemorated 9/11 by being present.  I drank in my son’s smiles and cuddles.  I laughed with my husband.  I took a few moments to let myself cry.  I didn’t stress about the work week, or that the kitchen is always a mess, or that I haven’t slept longer than 5 hours since 2015.  I promised myself that I will not forget what’s important.  I remembered that life is beautiful. That the amount that I have to be thankful for is truly astounding.  That 15 years ago people spent their typical, uneventful Sunday’s doing typical, uneventful Sunday things for the very last time.  I will never forget.

It’s coveted.  It’s elusive.  It’s an overused buzzword that is becoming obnoxious.  Balance.   The internet is full of articles discussing how to achieve (or how difficult it is to achieve) some semblance of balance if you’re a working professional.  Oftentimes the context is specific to working parents and even more often, working mothers.  Truth be told, even before parenthood, we struggled at times to maintain a work/life balance.   We both have several personal interests and responsibilities outside of work;  fur children, exercise, volunteer work, travel, good tv, bad tv, family, friends and, of course, projects around our home.  Add a tiny human to the mix and throw in some prolonged sleep deprivation, and there are weeks where we are barely keeping our heads above water just doing the bare minimum.  Sometimes all we can do is get through the work day, feed ourselves and our dogs, and care for and enjoy as much time as possible with our little one.  That is something that I will NOT compromise on.

Every day we make choices to prioritize what little discretionary time we have.  Silly example:  my hair air dries and gets shoved into a messy bun every day at work.  Why?  Because I could spend 10 minutes drying my hair, maybe even throw on a little makeup-  or I could spend those 10 minutes playing and giggling with the little guy.  Easy choice.   However, we both feel that it’s important to maintain an identity outside of being Shane’s Mom and Dad – it is admittedly MUCH easier for my husband to do this than it is for me.  I think it’s partially self-inflicted and partially just comes with the territory of being a mama.  I will say, that I started writing this on Friday evening after a long week and my workweek stress level didn’t really seem to taper off at all- until Sunday morning.  We were up early (what else is new) and I decided that instead of just heading to the food store, I would go to 8:30 am spin class and THEN go to the food store.  I even treated myself to a smoothie while food shopping.  I came home feeling legitimately rejuvenated and so much more like myself- and actually got a whole bunch of laundry and cleaning done (it didn’t hurt that the baby took a 3 hour nap!)- simply because I got to spend an hour getting my endorphins flowing and a little time to do something just for me.  It makes me feel guilty to even admit it, especially because I am working all week now and I try to maximize all of my time with our little man, but it’s amazing how much more present I am as a mother when I have the opportunity to do something for myself!  These people who tout the merits of self-care might actually be onto something.

But I digress from the main intent of this post, which is how it’s damn near impossible to continue to work on large projects around the home once you have a child.  Considering the fact that we were in the middle of our large flooring project when we welcomed Shane into the world, we didn’t have much of a choice other than to figure out how to complete loud, messy and time consuming home improvement projects with a tiny infant blob to tend to.  It hasn’t been easy, but in the last 6 months Mike managed to complete the flooring downstairs and is THISCLOSE to finishing the staircase!  A strategically planned weekend where the baby and I headed out to visit family, a few Saturday day-long visits with friends or family, and a few days where I went to the office and took the little guy to day care while Mike stayed home and worked have gotten us this far.  Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Completed flooring tasks post-parenthood:

1. Demo and install floors downstairs
2. Demo/prep stairs for flooring
3. Order more flooring because we ran short for our downstairs bedroom and the stairs (lol)
4. Wait for additional flooring to arrive, a week late, and drive to Cranbury to pick it up
5. Install flooring in remaining area of first floor bedroom
6. Order new newel post and balusters for railing update

In progress or to be completed:

1. Lay flooring on steps (92% complete)
2. Install newel post
3. Install balusters and railing, stain everything
4. Purchase and install runner for stairs (which I have been waiting to do since we moved in almost 3 years ago!!!!! long time coming!)  And…believe it or not- I may be taking the lead on this one 🙂

I was going to give a sneak peak of what we have planned for the railing but decided just to wait until it’s all finished!  I will give an in progress shot of my hard working hubby though!!!  Weekend nights look so much different now, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

home stretch!

Once this is FINALLY all done, we may ACTUALLY be taking a break from major projects for awhile!  Because we may or may not be planning for a major renovation/expansion of our 2nd floor and a kitchen update in the *hopefully* next summer timeframe.  No, we’re not crazy at all. I swear.  Maybe.

Until then we will be enjoying planning and brainstorming. (I’ve been going a little nutty on my pinterest boards!  https://www.pinterest.com/kerripolidore/addition/ https://www.pinterest.com/kerripolidore/kitchen-update/)

And of course- most of all- we are looking forward to enjoying our little man with fewer distractions!!! I’m already starting to plan all of the details for his first birthday… 6 months in advance!  (P.s. how is it possible that I have a 6 month old?!  I swear he was 6 weeks a minute ago).  I guess it’s just the nature of this season of life!  I’m sure our “new normal” will be ever-evolving- right now it’s hectic, stressful at times (to say the least), and tiring- but we’re never bored and our hearts are full.  Balance is overrated anyway, right?

So I have about a billion projects I need to go back and write up, including a post that is about 85% finished about the work we are doing upstairs to prepare for bringing home our baby in T-minus 6 weeks (gah!), but I decided to take a minute to lay out some thoughts on the current debate we are having regarding what to do about our flooring.  We have hardwood throughout the downstairs and upstairs (except for the kitchen and bathrooms).  In the midst of some structural work we did last spring that required jacking up the ceiling in the living room, two boards in the middle of the bedroom above separated/split a bit.  That, coupled with some legacy water damage from before we lived here, other normal wear & tear that you would expect from original flooring from 1948, and the fact that we aren’t in love with the color/finish made us add refinishing & fixing the flooring in the bedrooms & hallway upstairs to the list of must-dos prior to baby arriving.

Gap/damage from structural work below

Legacy water damage

Fast forward to now, where we are weeks away from bringing home our little one.  We decided that sanding, staining and applying poly would be best left to the professionals so we had a few contractors in for quotes for a two-phase job, starting with the upstairs and staircase and then coming back to do the downstairs at a later date (perhaps sometime this spring or summer).  Two of four never actually provided us pricing (I guess business is booming?! Either that or people are just extremely unprofessional).  One of the two quotes we did receive was from a well-established & professional local company, was significantly higher than the other (almost double).  The rep that came to give the quote actually said that he wanted to get his foreman to the house to take a look because he wasn’t sure about the shape of the floors- specifically whether there was sufficient space left above the side fastening features (not really traditional tongue-in-groove) to really be able to sand and refinish, without having to replace a significant amount/have a lot of gaps and issues.  The other estimate came in, and the guy seemed reputable but I always get nervous going with a lower estimate and ending up paying for it down the line if issues arise.  My worries were, of course, heightened by the fact that he didn’t mention any of the concerns the other person brought up.  We already have anxiety about hiring people to come in to do work vs. rolling up our own (Mike’s) sleeves, so it wasn’t making our decision any easier.

I was talking to a few coworkers about the whole ordeal, and one woman I work with suggested that if the floors weren’t historical/I wasn’t attached to them, it might make sense to replace them instead of refinishing them.  I thought about it for a bit and realized it might make sense- especially since that is something Mike could do himself.  He had already helped friends of ours lay hardwood in their townhome when they were getting ready to sell, so diverting the full refinishing budget of labor & materials to buying new, high-quality flooring might actual give us a better bang for our buck (factoring in yet more sweat equity on the part of my dear, dear husband).

I was nervous about broaching the topic with him since he is still putting the finishing touches on several other massive projects he has worked in the past 7 months or so, but I should have known not to be.  Leave it to Mike to start getting antsy after a month or so away from a lumber supply or wholesale showroom.   He immediately spent an entire day researching and dragged me to a flooring showroom that night (Tuesday), to take a look at hickory samples (the material he decided would be the right balance of quality within our budget).

We got quotes from the showroom and from a few online suppliers, and Mike was bugging me to go look at more samples and make a decision so he could order and get to work.  It was now Wednesday.  I woke up with a nasty head cold, my parents were arriving that afternoon, I had to get my Christmas baking done.  Also, I was (and still am)~8 months prego.  I asked for a reprieve to get through Christmas before we had to make any decisions.  Mike begrudgingly relented (although it didn’t stop him from a few more trips to look at samples on his own).

After a few extra days to think about it and plan, we still haven’t come to a decision.  The major complicating factor that has arisen is the fact that floors in the other bedroom upstairs appear to be basically new.  They are 2.25″ oak, like the rest of the house, but they are in noticeably better shape.

Transition from old to new flooring in the bedroom- and a puppy head for good measure

I don’t think it would be wise to completely waste perfectly good floors, but it’s also very important that there be continuity throughout the house, so I suggested we install oak floors and then sand & refinish the room above at some point to match.  Mike doesn’t want to spend all the time, effort and money and not change/upgrade the look at all, which I understand.  However, I think for resale (and our sanity), it would make sense to have more continuity throughout.  I’ve even started wavering back to the repair & refinish route, instead of replacing.  I’ve spent a lot of time googling and haven’t had much luck, but based on the few forum topics I’ve stumbled upon, it seems most people tend to agree with me.

So here is where we are at with our options:

1.  Repair & refinish (~3500-6000, depending on contractor)
2. Replace everything except the bedroom where the floors appear to be basically new & have one room mismatched (~5000 + Mike’s time & effort, not including the stairs)
3. Replace everything and have continuity throughout (~6000 + Mike’s time & effort, not including the stairs)
4. Replace everything except the good bedroom with Oak & have continuity throughout (haven’t gotten any quotes yet but likely would be on the order of #2, possibly slightly less expensive)
5. Abandon ship, get big area rugs, and spend our time getting everything set up for baby’s impending arrival.  (floors will likely never get done until we up and move out of this house)

At this point, to channel my inner basic b*tch, I literally can’t even.  This homeownership stuff can be a real drag sometimes.   The Systems Engineer in me can do a quick decision matrix in my head and tell you that option #4 is likely the most sensible one to go with, but the wife in me can do similar calculations and conclude that there is no way I’m getting my husband on board with that one.

So, in conclusion, from Love & Elbow Grease –  HELP!!!

As I mentioned in my inaugural post, we had a particularly hellish house hunt (think 9 months, 5 offers, and nothing but bidding wars…).  We ended up with our cute little house in a great neighborhood and an AWESOME yard, and while it was definitely “move-in-ready” it also provided us PLENTY of opportunities to freshen things up a bit.  Case-in-point was what we dubbed as the “Shanty Awning”.   I used to describe our house to people by saying “It’s the little blue one on the road to the park, with the ugly brown shutters and the awning that looks like someone floated to the U.S. from Cuba on it”.  People would laugh, but then once they saw it, would wholeheartedly agree.  Here it is, in all its glory:

Shanty Awning

That’s my wonderful hubby diligently working on some landscaping in the spring, since there were literally NO plants in the front (see Operation Curb Appeal- Part One).   Maybe the previous owners thought shrubbery would take away from the magnificence of the shanty awning?  I guess we’ll never know- but I digress.  It’s obviously ugly.  We hated it from day one.  However, we really didn’t want to take it down without replacing it because it WAS pretty clutch having cover when it was raining out (for both us and the bird family that was living in it), and hiring someone to build a new portico would have been really pricey.   Thanks to the confidence instilled in DH by his friend Joe, an architect, who told him what fasteners we would need and said “you can totally build that yourself”, we (he) took on our (his) biggest project yet!

Being the enginerds that we are, we started with a plan.  Mike downloaded SketchUp, a free google program for engineering models/drawings, and drew up the front facade of the house.  It was a really useful but admittedly not very user friendly.  I got a little ambitious and tried to draw up our full floor plan in a separate file and I couldn’t figure it out, and I do have experience with engineering graphics software (it was 9 years ago, but still).  However, my wonderfully smart and hard-working hubby put in the time to figure it out.   After playing around with dimensions and materials, we settled on the general style/form factor below.  Don’t mind our improperly sized door and light fixture screen shot- we’re not professionals here.

Enginerdy

Mike took the plans, based on the SketchUp drawing and general information on the up-to-code fasteners and supports he would be using, to the building inspector to get a permit.  The town engineer had a few suggestions/changes and gave us the go-ahead.

Then came the fun part- demo.  While on all the shows on HGTV, demo day IS the fun day- but I use that term VERY sarcastically. We really should have had a camera crew on site, because true hilarity ensued and nobody got to witness it.  We managed to disassemble the awning (I tend to use the term “we” loosely but I did help!!) to the point where it was no longer really attached to the house, and was supported by a few 2x4s perched underneath coming up at an angle- image below.

No birds were harmed during the demolition of this structure

We had a fool proof plan.  Mike was going to stand under what was left of the awning and support it with his man-muscles and brute strength, while I removed the wood supports and got out of the way so he could toss the metal carnage onto the lawn.

However, as soon as I removed one 2×4, the shift in weight caused the other one to fall onto the ground at the foot of the stairs.  I froze, as Mike stood literally holding a gigantic, heavy mangle of metal parts over his head.  This was not part of the plan!  What do I do?  Do I go pick it up? I didn’t have to think on it too long before a bellowing “MOVE!” came out of my hulk-husband’s mouth, which I promptly did, and he walked down the steps, tossed the awning onto the lawn, turned to me in disbelief and asked me if I was trying to kill him.  We still laugh every time we think about it.

There’s a hole in my roof

Then, he set to work on building.  The picture above shows initial progress of removing some of the roof for the interface of the new structure.  The hole is so the beam at the top of the portico could tie into a beam in the house.  One of our neighbors joked that our house may blow away in a storm but that portico will stay standing, and he is probably right!  Honestly, Mike completed this project so long ago that I know I’m missing a bunch of details and pictures. So, to skip over the rest of the details that are boring and/or I forgot, here are two big lessons we learned throughout this project (after the demo day debacle):

1. Know your abilities:  Mike and I thought that the two of us, equipped with just the ladder pictured above and a metal folding chair, would be able to get the top beam into place.  The beam had to have weighed over 100 lbs, mind you.  It was clear basically immediately that I was an insufficient helper and that we were ill-equipped to get the task done, but Mike didn’t give up until I literally yelled “I refuse to work in these conditions!” and went inside.  I think it was when he suggested I use another piece of wood to support the beam while he maneuvered it into place, which brought immediate images into my head of  a 100+ lb beam cracking my head open as it inevitably fell off the piece of wood I was attempting to support it with.  Our friend Matt came over later that weekend with an a-frame ladder, additional man-muscles, and fewer inhibitions and the job got done.  Mike even admits that with a better suited helper and more appropriate equipment it was still tough to get done, so I consider myself vindicated.  Next time, I’m calling my union rep.
2. Measure everything.  And then measure it again:  Prior to the columns being installed, which was one of the last things to be done, the top structure was supported by temporary supports (sistered 2x4s on each side).  When the cuts were made to install these support structures, we were very embarrassed to realize that two engineers with masters degrees in Systems Engineering made the rookie mistake of making assumptions and not documenting measurements.  Basically, the porch is graded away from the house (which makes sense for water management, duh).  However, the temporary support posts were cut under the assumption that the porch was level and their length requirement was the same as the measurement up against the house, and did not account for the porch’s slope, and were too short.  It’s amazing how such a slight gradient makes such a big impact over the course of ~6 feet.  In hindsight, we probably could have just made another trip to Home Depot but that just felt like too much to deal with at the moment, and instead we spent 2 hours arguing and coming up with a work-around with the scrap wood we did have on hand.

I’m sure there were a million other things that we learned along the way, but those seem to be the most memorable.  It’s a year later and there are still some finishing touches left lingering (railings, some trim pieces, etc), but like many of the small details at the end of all of our projects, they’ve been de prioritized.  The “finished” product is below!  What a difference it has made for the whole look/feel of our home!

DIY success! 

If you were worried about the displaced bird family, fear not- to our surprise, they returned and took up residence in the new structure.  I wonder if they’re impressed with their upgraded digs.  Maybe I’ll have to work on a bird house project this spring!